A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The
following is an actual question given on a University of
Arizona chemistry
mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student
(Unverifiable).
The
answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with
colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most
of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools
when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One
student, however, wrote the following:
First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know
the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving.. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist
in the world today.
Most
of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls
go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change
of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to
expand proportionately as souls are added.
This
gives two possibilities:
1.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell,
then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose. =C
2.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then
the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.
So
which is it?
If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that,
'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account
the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and
thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that
it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving
only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my
God..'
THIS
STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
